so i think lot of you know Ali Edwards and her one little word concept right? i have chosen a word probably every year only to forget it within a week or so. this year was, is, different. i chose myself a word. i photographed that word, i thought about that word, and how it related to me in the world, and how i related to it. my word re-define has been lingering in my head and around my being all year. i think this could be it.
i'm tired, im restless, im drained, im feeling very very stale and just can't seem to pull myself out of this creative rut i'm in. i am creating, don't get me wrong. you all see the work i produce on a fairly regular basis, but it just isn't doing it for me anymore like it used to. am i in a creative groove that i can't get out of? am i just stale? am i trying to find meaning in something that doesn't really need any. i feel like i haven't created just for the sheer joy of it in sometime. not that i don't have fun doing what i'm doing, but i just don't get that high, that buzz that makes you work through the night to meet deadlines that are nigh on impossible to make anymore. am i just growing old and the stamina i once had is eluding me? is the lure of a warm comfy bed just far to tempting during winter? is it just sheer laziness? i'm not sure of any of these answers. and i'm really not sure what to do about it. i feel like running away to a whole other country, to experience something new again something that might spark that passion, that love, that excitement in my soul again.
Do i need to just stop. breathe, let the sun shine on my face, although that would be pretty hard right now. do i need to think back to how i used to play creatively, even without producing anything, just to play, to make marks, to play with colour, to see again? do i need to re-define?
how i create, why i create, re-define the reason i create? or re-define my creating to meet my reason?
is it just that old adage of the creative person struggling with who they want to be against who they have to be in this world?
i do think it's time. time to re-define all of it really.
wish me luck.